Organic Light Pan

These days I make my living as an Artist and Teacher, which is strange given that all my training has been in science culminating in a doctorate degree in mechanical engineering from Stanford University.  It was during that time as a doctoral student that I became enamored with photography.  I have always loved the outdoors, and quickly discovered the natural and wild areas of the San Francisco Bay Area when I arrived.  My jaunts into the Santa Cruz Mountains were very threraputic in combating the stress associated with graduate study and work.  One day though I picked up a camera out of the necessity to defend my good word against claims that I could not have possibly seen the new crescent moon when it first becomes visible.  The camera was at first a scientific tool that I used to record natural phenomena, much like any other scientific instrument used in an experiment.  However what happened after that was pivotal in my life.

The light was transforming.  It was alive and changed its mood constantly and it brought me along for the ride with it.

Lagunitas Sunset

I don’t have many photos from those early days any more but the above sunset was one that was hard to just toss away.  It had a quality of light that was just mesmerizing.  Light became my drug and I needed to chase after it often and capture it for my own edification.  For six years as a graduate student I pursued the light.  Capturing it as often as I could, wherever I happened to be.  I was an observer, I was a learner, I was a scientist with a tool in my hand that captured light.  Nearing the end of graduate school I met my future wife, who was an Artist and taught art at a local private elementary school.  It was exciting being around her when she worked.  She put her soul into her paintings and it came through in her work, it was her.  In six years of trying to share the excitement I found while out photographing the landscape, no one I knew shared my excitement until I met her.  She actually pushed me to achieve better results and was genuinely interested in the light I was capturing.

Fast forward to a time after graduate shcool, we are married now and things are different.  My photos were now obstacles that my wife needed out of the way.  Thousands of them, stored in boxes, were in her way as she moved through the house.  She brought an ultimatum – “toss out all these boxes collecting dust or do some thing with them”!  And that was the pivot that changed me from being a scientist concerned with observation into a artist concerned with expression.  For nearly eight years I had been in observation mode internalizing the natural world.  Capturing moments in time that caused my heart to flutter or that stole my breath away.  For eight years Mother Earth was the balm of my aching soul.  Now it was time to express to others what was arguably overflowing in my heart.

I have read many definitions of art.  None seem to hit the very core of what art is or what an artist does.  To me an artist is someone who expresses to others what is contained in his or her heart and art is that expression.  It can be beautiful or ugly, joyous or sad, and constantly changing.  By default the artist is a scientist because simply put a scientist is some one very skilled at observation.  The scientist internalizes observations and formulates theories based on those observations.  For the most part the scientist’s job stops there.  The artist on the other hand is also a skilled observer and internalizes experiences as well.  However the artist is also a skilled communicator and expresses what he or she has internalized through some medium, be it visual or otherwise.  And while formal science is fairly young in the scope of time, the skills of observation and expression used by an artist is as old as humanity itself.

The Hunt

Humans have been expressing their experiences through some moving means for a very long time.  Whether it is through pictures on a wall, or through the words of a story teller or author, or through rhythm and tones, the artist relates what is in his or her heart to others in moving ways.  In some respects art is what completes us as human beings.  It brings us together peacefully.  It lightens our circumstances and allows us to escape, even if for only a short while, the rigors of life itself.  It allows us to relate with our feelings and emotions – it makes us human.

In the world of today, where terror, oppression, tyranny, injustice, and greed dominate the public sphere it is even more important that we double, or even triple our efforts to include art in our lives.  I am afraid for the generations that follow me that are devoid of art.  How cold and lacking of compassion will they be?  Disconnected from their emotions like soulless robots running on automatic or worse yet with the intent on set to kill!  Art is not taught in schools anymore due to budget cuts.  It is seen as extracurricular and placed on the wayside.  If a young student has a special talent for expression it is not fostered in a meaningful way such that he or she might make an honest living at it.  It is truly a sad state of affairs.

In times of financial turmoil it is art that gets amputated and left to rot first – it being seen as not necessary in life.  However it is through art that we find respite from the worries and anxiety that comes from tribulations in life.  Is it any wonder that hospitals and medical clinics are chock full of art on the walls?  Illness brings our mortality center stage and nothing is more stressful and un-nerving than that.  And yet through the art on those walls, a climate of peace and serenity can pervade the heart.  Look at any piece of art you have in your own home, and observe how it makes you feel.  No, art is not only crucial now more than ever before – it is Necessary.

Strange that it has taken me nearly all spring to bring out a photo of the last sunset of winter.  Although not entirely true, as I posted a version of this sunset in The Last of Winter.  It is amazing to me how different a few minutes can make in a photograph not to mention the few months that have transpired since I made this photo. 

Winter's Last

Time has a way of sneaking past you very quickly.  From week to week as I moved from show to show, filling orders made for photos of moments long since past, I had little time to work on new material.  When I do get the chance and inspiration to sit down and seriously work on new material, It is like I am looking at the scene for the first time all over again.  And although I can remember all the feeleings of elation and joy that coursed through me at the time I made the photo, seeing it again and now intimately working with it for hours to bring out those feelings I once had makes me realize how important photography is.  Not only is it a record of time, but for the photographer it is also a record of the experience.  So here it is, a recount of my thoughts as they come back to me as I look at this last sunset of the winter of 2009.

Wow, everything is really green this year.  The hills are looking good, wildflowers might be aboundant here this year – its to early now, maybe in a month or so.  I’ll need to come back.  Let me go over to my butterfly hill and see if the wild cucumber is blooming.  Nothing yet, but the hills sure are green.  What about down in the hollow down there, I can check if I see any poppy plants waiting to bloom.  None yet, Hmm.  Lets go back up and around to the trillium patch, wow I need to hike more, I’m getting winded to easily.  Hey what’s that – that tree is just glowing.  That back lighting is unbelieveable!  I only have a few minutes.  I don’t know if I can pull this one off.  Ok quick unload.  Let’s see.  Maybe the 300, yeah the 300 will do fine.  Let me check quickly with the digital, yeah about 100 mm I think the 300 will do fine.  I’ll need the ND – work fast.  Take care, don’t drop anything, but got to work fast.  Ok spin it around, get the dark cloth, Ooh that is nice.  I need the loupe, focus, tilting won’t help so check how much depth will I need, where’s that card….. f32 should do.  Wait let me get this sunset on the digital and zoom in on the sun.  OK got it.  Meter quick, the light is going fast, aaah… the lower right for the foreground, now the the sky, wait hit memory, now the sky – keep it plus one, there, its five stops brighter, no six – five and half, ok one stop up I need 4 stops of ND, good.  That 2 stop filter is bad all scratched up I need to get a new one – like I have $100 right now anyway.  Get the 3 in there, the 1 stop, adjust, oh this is going to be hard to see and adjust that tree is too high in the frame – ….let me see.  To dark, open the apeture, its still hard to see, hurry up the light is going ok there, that is good I hope, I wish it was as easy as it was with 35mm argh.  Ok f32 on foreground gives 1 sec.  Set it, close shutter, test it – good.  Uh! film, hurry…. holder, put film in, load in camera, wait, make sure everything is tight, back, tripod head, swings, good, put film in, pull the slide, cock the shutter, ok go.  Got it! quick, one more, get the film in – careful don’t move the camera, pull slide, shutter, and go.  Got it.  What a day.  That sunset is just awesome.  Let me get this tree on digital.  Get this big guy off, Ok, meter darn the light is gone, its totally different now.  Get it any way.  wow look at those hills , this is really going to be a great photo, that mist is pinking up real nice, zoom in and get that.  Wow its so nice out here.  Amazing tomorrow is the equinox, this was the last sunset of winter.  Its so quiet, so calm.  I hope the 4×5’s come out.  Well keep one behind in case exposeure was off.  It nice out here, alright lets load up.

It all comes screaming back.  Photography – memories & life on a piece of celluloid – amazing.

Enjoy Summer!  Peace.

On Wednesday afternoon I decided to take a hike on the very last day of winter. The buzz is that the wildflower bloom this year is early with flowers blooming up and down the state, maybe not as extensive as in years past but definitely blooming. On a good year, Russian Ridge Open Space Preserve, the place where photography first took hold in my heart, is THE wildflower location on the San Francisco Peninsula and I wanted to see if anything had started there.

It was a day where you did not know where you ended and the sky began. The air was so soothing that you could not tell that you were actually outdoors. It was perfect. As I hiked along I realized the flowers were nowhere to be found. But nonetheless, the hike was great and the scenery, as always, was comforting.

At about one mile into my hike I detoured and headed to the ancient oak grove that resides on Russian Ridge. As I approached the grove, the sun was getting close to the horizon and I realized that this was the very last day of winter – March 19th, 2009. It was as perfect a sunset as one could hope for.

Winter's Last Sunset

I then noticed this live oak basking in the last rays of the winter’s sun. It was backlit and was poised against a distant hill that was in the shadows. It immediately caught my eye and I dropped my pack and pulled out the Large Format camera and began to work. Once I finished I also captured this image digitally as this oak was still waiting to leave. Still in its winter slumber, the early warm temperatures and life giving rains were not enough to coax the leaves to come out – but I am sure they will be out to play in the sun very soon.

Waiting To Leave

I then turned to the sun, that golden warm torch in our sky as it sank lower in the western sky I waited until it was just moments away before it bid us, and winter, a farewell and tripped the shutter once more.

Last Moments of Winter

Then I just stood there and watched the sun slowly vanish beneath the horizon – silently and without any fanfare. And suddenly, the last of winter was gone.

The air, laden with moisture, began to chill as the cold wind off the Pacific raced up the canyons and ravines filling it with a delicate mist that began to enshroud the mountains below me in mystery. Mixed with the final rays of the sun, the mountains blushed as Spring began knocking on the door asking to be let in.

Blushing In Pink

Light has always amazed me. It is everywhere in our world as it surrounds us, but at the same time it is invisible until it interacts with the objects in front of us. Then those objects reveal their many shades, tainted if you will, by the light that showers them. Sometimes they glow while other times they come on harshly and force us to look away as if they are trying to tell us to leave them alone. No matter what however, without light they could not manifest themselves for us to see. Without light we would be in perpetual darkness, lost without direction or the courage to step forward. Blinded and bereft of the beauty that appears due to light’s countenance. As spring is now upon us, the days will soon be vibrant with new life basking in the warm light and calling us to come out and play. Let us join the beams of light as they mingle with the Earth and be happy, we all need that.

Peace – Youssef

From The Hip 1

I had to take my truck in to the garage today for some maintence and to correct a brake problem. I took it in later in the afternoon and decided to walk home. It was only about 4 miles away and I thought it would give me an opportunity to see what lies along the road that I drive nearly every day with my camera in hand. I was not terribly inspired by anything until I crossed a freeway bridge. As the cars whizzed by beneath me I thought it would be cool to try and capture some car headlight or taillight trails. However, it was still to bright to get a photo with the shutter open long enought to capture good trails.

So I walked on. Then I began to take photos of the cars that were pasing me by on the street. It seemed like a good idea, but I did not want anyon to know I was photographing their car. So I began to shoot from the hip. Here is what happened.

From The Hip 2

From The Hip 3

From The Hip 4

From The Hip 5

From The Hip 6

From The Hip 7

From The Hip 8

I know… not my usual fare. But I found them interesting. Let me know which one you found the most interesting. I’d love to hear from you – Peace.

I went out today to photograph a seasonal waterfall in one of the lesser known and traveled canyons of the Santa Cruz Mountains.  I had discovered this waterfall in the dry early autumn while leading a workshop through that very canyon.  A ravine termineated at this rcocky drop off and it seemed at the time that if there was enough water flowing in that ravine, a nice waterfall could develop.  So after a couple of weeks of pretty consistent rainfall here in the San Francisco Bay Area, I decided to go out and try my luck with that waterfall.

Well I was right on the money with that terminated ravine becoming a waterfall, although only a small ribbon of a falls, not enough rain yet.  As I set up the camera and prepared to focus it, I realized that I had forgotten to bring my focusing loupe!!!  I was using it in my studio this past week to critically check tranperancies for focus on my light table.  And so it was near impossible to focus the large format camera.  I did my best and then stopped down the aperture to f/90!  This required an exposure time of — 8 minutes!

So for the rest of the afternoon, I was an observer.  Unable to record the light that I saw accurately, I let my eyes, mind and heart record the glorious light that filtered into the canyon and danced with the green ferns, tall redwoods and bare red alders.  And later as I drove along the coast, watching the sun play hide and seek between the clouds with rainbows appearing periodically as cloud bursts occured all along the coast.  The sea was tumultuous with small breakers peppering the surface of the Pacific for as far as the eye could see and it glowed with a luminance that was nearly indescribable.  A truly memorable day that has sparked a longing to return very soon to capture that light forever.

As a photographer I feel a certain amount of responsibility to record the world as it is. I always looked at what I thought were manipulated photos as somewhat of a desecration. That it was untruthful to portray the world in a way that it was not. I think my first foray with this line of thinking was against those photos that were heavily saturated in color produced by the use of a polarizing filter to make a scene look more enticing than it really was. I have always enjoyed the outdoors and I never saw that dripping off the page color in “real life”. I was satisfied, and in some respects arrogant, in producing the dull and lifeless photos that I knew came out of a camera.

Then as I became more serious about portraying the natural world as it “really” is, I railed against the heavy-handed use of the now popular and almost indispensable Graduated Neutral Density (GND) filter. Used improperly and you could tell that it was a lame attempt to try to make film capture something that it could not. However, when used properly one could hardly tell a GND was used, and the photograph showed a scene that faithfully captured what one’s eye would see. For at this point I had learned that film was limited, it was a poor medium in trying to portray the world as we really experienced it. What I did next shocked my closest confidants; I whole-heartedly accepted and started using the GND. Although now I was branded as a hypocrite, a liar, a fake. I was shocked. Had I created such an environment around me that I had galvanized people into thinking that what the camera and film produced were truth? Had I built around me a glass bubble so fragile that if I tried to grow as a photographer and break through that bubble I would send shards of broken glass at myself as to render me dead? What had I done?

The more I photographed the more I learned that the camera cannot see what my EYES see. The camera cannot feel what my heart feels. The camera cannot smell, hear or touch what my nose, ears and fingers can. As I wandered this beautiful world with my camera photographing I became aware that I was actually being unfaithful to the beauty that I loved so much in my photos.

Even though I was recording the light faithfully, I was not conveying the euphoria that I felt in the presence of that beauty. And thus I embarked on a path of trying to convey the multi-dimensional experience of being out in nature onto the two-dimensional plane of a photograph. What resulted was sometimes very different from the straight record of light that was present. For now, the images transcended into the realm of my feelings. All photographers, as they photograph, are steeped in emotions at the time the shutter is tripped. Recalling those emotions when looking at the resulting photos at times leaves the photographer somewhat let down as the photos appear lifeless. I had to learn to not judge an image until I brought it into my photo editing software environment and apply the standard adjustments – tonal dialation, adjusting contrast and setting color balance – first. Then if it was still lifeless, a number of other adjustments from applying a softening blur or artistic use of dodges and burns to eliminating color entirely and going balck and white. If, after all that, I can’t reproduce a pale shadow of the euphoria I felt at the time I tripped the shutter, then and only then is the image a flop and destined for the trash can, otherwise known as the ‘Round File’.

And thus, you have the photograph that graces this post. A rendition of the euphoric state of my heart as I stood there under these delicate trees as thier leaves shivered in the light breeze and danced among the sunbeams that filtered through them. Maybe I am not a true photographer anymore depicting the world as seen through the lens of a camera, but now, at least now, I feel that I am finally writing with light.

1.  In the name of God, the Benevolent, the Merciful

2.  Praise is proper to God, Lord of the universe,

3.  the Benevolent, the Merciful,

4.  Ruler of the Day of Requital.

5.  It is You we serve, to You we turn for help.

6.  Show us the straight path,

7.  the path of those You have favored, not of those who are objects of anger, nor of those who wander astray.